(I started writing this to my sister immediately after, but then when I saw how long it was taking, I couldn’t finish in one session, and then I was thinking about it so much, and how impressive the whole thing turned out to be (while not ignoring the fact that someone was seriously hurt!) as far as an example of how people really can forgive and love their neighbors (them loving me!), that I thought ‘Well, I will just make it into a post here to save this memory.’)
WHAT HAPPENS when you crash with a student? Well, two students actually...
Maybe the worst thing I have done yet in my life here in Thailand, and its not over yet - I am hoping that in the end, a lot of good will come of it, but right now... it sucks. You know I’ve lived here now for eight years, I’ve had a bicycle for about six, and a motorbike now for almost two years. From time to time I rent a car to go on longer trips, rentals here are so cheap that it definitely works out in the end compared to the convenience of having it vs the inconvenience of taking a bus somewhere, but then having to take taxis/motoribike taxis everywhere during the day, it has always been great.
This time however, I either needed to learn a lesson, or my luck had just run out, maybe both… This specific rental was for a month, cheap old car (older than my sister, 25 :) ), so for the first time I have been driving around my own area of town in a car, a very small car for sure, but much bigger than my usual two-wheel transport. Yesterday I broke my record of no incidents with a motorized vehicle - I had an accident with two high school girls.
I can’t say that it was my fault, although I do feel like it is and I still feel terrible - I did make a mistake in just not being patient but the police recorded it as an accident with 'no fault' - ah but I still feel like it was my fault. These were young girls, inexperienced drivers for sure, the one driving was not of age (year 10 of school here, so probably 16 years old) and she was borrowing her parents motorbike. As the experienced driver I should have just relaxed and waited another minute or two. I guess clear was not really all clear as I thought it to be!
Riding on the back of this student's bike was her younger cousin (equivalent age to our 8th grade, I think she is 15), taking her to school that day as well. Their mother said that they usually take the bus, but today they were late (met the mother at the hospital, more details below).
As far as physically driving the vehicle goes, yes it was their own fault that they crashed into me, they should have been in control of their vehicle of course - and it appears that they should not have been driving at all, they also were speeding on top of that, but I am not blaming them! They were not doing anything not seen as normal for driving in Thailand - I should’ve waited, I had already waited a few minutes for a clear space, I should have waited just 10 seconds more.
I know full well how driving here is just crazy, I spend enough time on the bike (bicycle) just shaking my head, and even after all this time I still somehow notice it more and more each week, each month, it is no surprise at all that Thailand is ranked number two in the world and for road incidents in general… I think last year they were third in the world for deaths by car accident. Im not trying to join that statistic in any way!
The whole experience is still fresh, still not finished yet as I am awaiting for the consequence as far as the law is concerned (I wrote this post over a time span of about 10 days, day by day different details emerged/progressed).
The policemen were on my side actually, very helpful, very relaxed, further showing me that this is such a normal situation (more than daily for them), wow so many details to process so I will try to remember them.
I can’t count how many times I have replayed this 2-second clip in my head, whew.
How long until that stops I don’t know.*
*a month later, it is only daily and not hourly that I think about this - a lesson in perspective! Not only bad stuff, good stuff too, we humans just forget so quickly! Move on so quickly...
Ok! A car driving down the wrong side of the road (very common here, sometimes you have cars PASSING each other going the wrong way down the road). This car caused me to be annoyed first of all, but also caused my view to be obstructed, and definitely blocked the girls as well I see in hindsight. They swung around that car to find me half-way through a U-turn, why they didn’t brake I don’t know, but that is the norm in Thailand, just flow in and out and around and as long as you don’t go TOO fast (very loose language there, and by the way - any speed from 1 to 89kph is legal on any non-highway road, the policeman made sure I understand this crucial law for Thai roads), I know this already so again - how can I apply logic to a situation that exists completely without it, and will continue to exist long after I am gone.
Well, they ever so slightly clipped the front driver side bumper, I wasn’t going more than walking pace but it still was enough to bring them down because of their speed - the touch of the car causing them to be off-balance, I saw the girl wobble once, over correct, and then the two girls were catapulted through the air. I couldn’t believe my eyes, definitely one of those times when the world stops, one does not feel like one’s self at all, and the edge of terror is right there, threatening to grow inside. Fighting that urge to panic, I immediately prayed a prayer for the driver, and yes of course I was scared for whatever was going to happen to me, but actually I honestly just wanted to see a helmet, a pair of helmets would be awesome!
The motorbike must’ve slid 40 feet and the passenger riding on the back flew a good 10 feet in the air. That was the image that was going through my mind every spare second of the day. The sound was so gentle, them clipping the front bumper area, but I knew what had happened. I didn’t even want to look up.
I was already in the middle of the road by this point and so I finished the U-turn and parked, left the car there with engine still running. I jumped out and ran to where the first girl had fallen. I was praying in those shorts seconds, “please let me see some helmets, please God, I am so sorry already, just please let me see some helmets…”. The driver did in fact have one on, but she was the one lying motionless. Very small girl, in the middle of the road, a scene all too common but absolutely unacceptable. I guess I have taken enough First-Aid classes because although I was panicking in my heart, in my brain I was already thinking about checking her back and neck position as I was looking around to see that the area was clear, I gave a second look to see if her senses were functioning, eyes fluttering… I got a shock when I saw her eyes were closed, but then I noticed that she was clenching them - almost as if to wish the past 10 seconds hadn’t just happened. Oh I couldn’t agree more, but I saw that she was OK, and so I went over to check on her much larger, younger cousin. I guess her size might be what caused her to have the much more serious injuries of the two. Four scraped knees, but the first girl had nothing else to worry about - but this girl, Areerat is her name, also had a deep gash in her shin. Sorry for the details here, but I could see pieces of yellow plastic in there as well. Must have come from the turn signal. Ouch. I’m sure it was some part of my car bumper that gouged her shin, from the waist down I’m sure she was in pain, but from her face she appeared totally normal. That stuck with me, even till now, what a strong girl.
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Just thought I would include some photos, this may be representative of the past week - darkness may cloud your vision,
but with some faith in humanity (as we all come from the same place), the sun will be bright once again. |
I told her to gently press her legs, check for breaks, because we were still in the middle of the road and it would be a good idea to move to the side. We had crashed directly in front of my faculty, I had just used the car I borrowed to drive Li (my girlfriend) to work.
Traffic behind me was full of students, all of them driving the motorcycles at different speeds, rare to have a car in the mix at this time of day, so being in a car myself it is tough to navigate at times. The passenger Areerat said that she couldn’t move, and so we were just sitting there to wait. Luckily, the normal action around here is to drive slowly, and be ready to meander a bit (but if you’re in a truck then apparently the rule of thumb is to drive down the middle of the road using your modified car exhaust as a signal for everyone in less-cool and/or less-expensive cars to stay clear), I know that the lines on the road, as well as signs and lights, are treated as guides here, never ever to be taken 100%, and a pity to those who think they are safe just by following the rules of the road! We drive cautiously here, even when alone, I double check and try to do a good job checking around every part of the car before making any turn at all because I now assume that there will be students racing out of nowhere when I am finally ready to move. I did check, I checked again in the rearview and side mirrors, I checked again as I was sitting there for two or three minutes before a gap opened. Again, this white truck parked behind me (the car that had boldly come in the wrong way down a 6 lane road, causing me to have to swing out, then back in to park at an angle (it was a drop-off only zone where they had chosen to park nonetheless!), and later when I asked the policeman about this he said, “oh no, we can’t reprimand him, that’s his problem and yes I’m sure it won’t work out for him in the end to drive like that, and you should’ve been more careful.” Well yes I should have!…but… Yes and no…
This situation happens every day, who knows how many times just in the university campus alone, but even just talking about this one road, motor bike accidents are a daily occurrence. There is even a Facebook group for the street, usually used to tell each other where the police are checking for helmet wearers each day! Between the three stoplights on this street, the local police usually have a small checkpoint set up from about 9 AM till Noon each day. They rotate between the three stoplights, but all three are within view of each other, the police switch up the times a little bit each day, not because they are being crafty but because they just come to work late and laugh about it, finally get to work extorting the students instead of actually trying to make laws that stick, the students refuse to wear helmets and instead post to Facebook on which shortcut to take today, and the battle continues. A normal occurrence to see students huddled over a friend with the motorbike upended 2 meters beyond, yet this was the first time that I was directly involved. It seems I am going into a lot of detail and then commenting on how normal it actually is - but to use the words of a friend who was trying to console me, “One person is wrong, and Two people are too - but when a Thousand people do something it is taken as The Right Way.”
All these details are not intended to defend myself, but maybe a little background is needed before I start to describe my conversation with the girl’s mother last night at the hospital, the real point I guess in my recording of this event in such detail. Also, finally, I am trying to make sure I don’t forget this lesson, and writing is a good way to process.
So the ambulance came, took them both to the hospital (the norm for Thailand again, it is not nearly as big a deal as in the West, and actually you will see that it is RARE for anyone to get out of the road when an ambulance is coming through, ambulances drive past with lights flashing so frequently that people seem to not care? Im not sure, but I will say that it is SO terrible to tell you of how many times I have seen an ambulance with lights flashing, stuck in the middle lane of traffic…), well, so after the ambulance staff did their thing I stayed to chat with the police.
Both girls were from the village of Kham Riang, the area where our campus was built, and so one by one her relatives began to arrive at the scene.
Tears from her grandmother, stiff (very deserved) stares from her uncle and father, and the slowly forming crowd of students on the far side of the road.
My girlfriend had heard the commotion as well (I had dropped her off just seconds before and she was not yet to our nearby faculty front door), she had come running over to stand with me, and when the first minute had passed, oh I was SO thankful that she was there.
The police acknowledged that I had not run away, one of them photographed me with his phone (the standard tool here for all things ‘official’, and it was very clear that this action ALONE qualified me as “ok” - they asked for, and I quote, “identification of any kind,” (they didn’t ask for my driver’s license until the 2nd visit to the police station! then asked me why it was expired (making me think that they hadn’t even looked at it yet because I most definitely have the year ‘2019’ printed on the front, obviously it does not expire in 1986, I am not sure you need to practice much English when the only numbers are an address, clearly not a date, a birthday, a license number, and finally the date of expiry (which, by the way, for Missouri is top right and marked in Red letters. So. He obviously didn't even look at it... or he absolutely doesn't deserve to be working as a policeman!)) and when I pointed across the street to show that I worked at the uni, I became basically just another bystander.
They have such respect for teachers/professors that I was immediately being apologized to, being coddled, people saying 'its ok, its ok, dont worry!' Wow. Another policeman even came to rub my shoulders as I was hanging my head in sadness, shaking my head at the situation.
Yes, they are pretty cool, almost every single Thai I meet is the model of how to have a good time at all times, never taking anything seriously, but come on - some things can be taken a bit seriously guys.
Just because I am a professor does not mean I am a good guy, and just because I stayed at the scene of the accident does not mean that I deserve for you to give me the benefit of the doubt (more details later).
I can’t decide which thing is amazing me more - how the girl driving the motorbike’s first words were “no problem, its ok,” as she gave me a Thai greeting (she gave me a wai immediately after sitting up), or how the the first thing that the mother did upon our arrival at the hospital was to smile. My girlfriend Li and I walked into the surgery ward at about 6pm, I had taught my first class of the day, but let my second class go early. I couldn’t stop thinking about either the girls at the hospital, or the split-second’s mental image I still had of them flying above their sliding motorbike, and I drove my own motorbike downtown to try and find them. After calling in on the police station to ask for more details, I managed to get both girls’ names and the phone numbers of their parents, nervously asking if it was ok that I visit. We found the room, and scanning the hallway full of people I recognized the mother by her smiling face as she noticed us coming up.
It was getting late, and I asked the mother if she had eaten yet. Of course I did not expect her to say ‘yes,’ and so when she declined, I asked if I could get anything for her. Again, “no, thank you,” and we sat next to each other in silence for about 30 minutes. I still couldn’t believe what had happened, and I was still praying that there would be some good news before the day was done. Finally, the mother started to ask me some simple questions about my time here, what I was doing, where I was from, making a bit of small talk about her daughter as well. I translated what I could to Li (not wanting to be impolite to the mother), hoped that she could understand the rest, and I continued to chat with the mom for another hour. Finally, she said that she would wait on alone, because she knew that it was going to be a late night. Never once did she ask about money, about driving, about anything touchy at all for that matter, and I left the hospital feeling very strange (but good) indeed.
The next morning, back again, this time with a stuffed animal. We had gone to find it the night before, but continued on our way to our apartments back at the University (about 45 minutes from the hospital, and night driving in Thailand is even less fun than day driving, so I wanted to get us home as soon as I could). We returned to find Bam (the girl’s nickname) lying in bed, grinning, trying to eat some rice and boiled vegetables. I am sure that the mother needed them almost as much as Bam did, and so I tried to talk to Bam and give her mom a chance to eat. She began eating very quickly, I wondered if she hadn’t eaten since the night before, but I knew I had to find something to talk about with the young girl. This is long enough already, but so many details of this continued to amaze me. We chatted as if nothing had happened the day before! She asked where I taught, she asked Li about Chinese, we asked her about her school, and finally she asked if we could get her some fruit from the market. I jumped at the chance to be useful instead of just shaking my head yet again at so many different details of the current situation, and we ran downstairs. We got some grapes, some oranges, and some Lam-Yai (I think its called ‘Dragon’s Eye’ in English, it is farmed in the North of Thailand, in season just before the cool weather comes). We brought them back, she was happy, we said a few more words to the mother and then left to teach our classes for the day. We still had not seen the girl’s father (never did, and again it seems, a mother is left with all the hard jobs, and little to no thanks).
To abbreviate the next few days, as the writing of this journal entry has now gone on for several days, I visited the girls again at their home (about 5km down the road from our University, a village I have passed MANY times on morning bike rides) and was even invited to stay for dinner! I paid for the girl’s motorbike, this part I did feel obligated to do, I knew the family was facing enough costs for their daughter’s injury, I thought the bike would be a small apology besides. They were glad to have that assistance, and I wondered though if this would be the last time I spoke to them for awhile. I thought wrong.
On the Tuesday after that weekend (5 days after the accident), the girl’s uncle called to ask me to visit their house again. He asked me to bring a friend, and he really pressed on this issue. I could tell that something was different, it was obviously urgent that I bring a Thai person along with me as well, but I was sure that everything would work out if I just went on my own. Of course Li would be coming with me again, so awesome how she has both trusted in me and supported me through every day, including this one, so thankful for her in my life here! We came after class, he must have called me 7 or 8 times throughout the day, while I was teaching I was not going to answer his calls, and I knew I would see him a few hours later anyways. When we arrived, there must have been every member in their extended family present. Maybe five kids of toddler age, five more old enough to run around jumping and playing, several teenagers, and then at least a dozen elderly people. There were two plastic chairs placed in the middle of this audience, one guess as to where I was supposed to sit - I was not uncomfortable but it still felt weird to just go and sit down straightaway - so I went to see Bam first.
I remembered where she was resting, and there were even several more people in there with her as well, wow they have a big family!, and I made my way gently and respectfully in to check on her and pay my respects to her grandmother (she somehow happened to be at the accident within 60 seconds of the crash, not even kidding!). She remembered me, she was actually the only person who didn’t smile at me, and I thought “well gosh this family is nice, finally here is one person who is acting like I would expect them to!”
We went back outside, and finally they let me have it. The uncle, still nice and polite the entire time, laid down some words that I really wasn’t prepared for. “Professor, thank you so much for coming, thank you for talking to us, for understanding, for being willing to talk, come to our house… we are wondering if you are ready though, to give us the rest of the money for what has happened.” I was thinking that he meant some money for the petrol, to maybe help to pay for her hospital food (the real bills had been taken care of by the insurance, so I was trying to guess what else there still could be to pay for? I offered to pay for the bike completely, so I really couldn’t imagine what single and sizable cost warranted this amount of people (which by now had grown even more, maybe there were 30 people around us by this point?)). He said that he estimated “all the time spent caring for this girl, and all the trips back and forth to the hospital will be expensive, and we will have to continue this for at least two whole years until she is well again.” No point in arguing really, but I tried to make sure that they understood that their daughter’s well-being was worth much more than thousands of baht, even tens of thousands of baht. I lived nearby, and if there was anything I could do, just let me know and I can drop by anytime!
“We would like you to give us 120,000 baht today, and then you would not need to visit again for quite some time. Is that ok? If you happen to have 200,000, well then that's even better, and we do not even need to see each other again.”
Maybe I spoke too soon. Anything I could do? Well, thats a bit more than spare change! Being asked for four entire month’s of my salary is a bit hard to handle when I looked around to see that they had in fact two cars (I have none), about five motorbikes (I have one that was given to me for free), and several houses all full of middle-aged people (I have only myself and I work for myself, paying back my student loans).
This was tricky, and I was praying the entire time, marshaling my words, treading lightly, trying to smile and respect all that had happened. Gosh, that was definitely the hardest and more pressured conversation I have yet to have in all my time here. Li stepped in, and in some way saved the day here, Li does not speak Thai fluently (but she does speak 4 other languages fluently, and wow, seeing her take her time to explain her opinion to both the family head, the village head, the local government head, and everyone who just wanted to drop by and listen to these two foreign teachers on trail, man, what a girl!), she managed to say enough to remind the Uncle that his niece was not without fault in the matter, and it wouldn’t be right to just ask me for such a sum without considering his own niece as well. I thanked her with all my heart, because even though I felt the number was quite a lot, I did not want to offend anyone, accuse anyone, I was honestly intending to just patiently wait until everything was said, and then go home to wait for some time to talk to Li alone. After listening to her for a few more minutes however, I thought the best thing to do though would be to finish everything right here. The family really were being amazingly patient, unbelievably kind through it all - my favorite thing, even to this very minute I am still so happy about this - never once did I hear the word “Farang” (Thai word for ‘Western Foreigner’). Never once. That alone was incredible, really, if you live here, even walking into a shop, doing anything at all, you will hear people talking about what the Foreigner is doing, why the Foreigner might be here, I am not wanting to insult anyone right now, but man it is just incredible how I can live here so intentionally for as long as I have, learn the language, love my time with these people, and just step two feet off the path into a place I haven’t been before and immediately I am a “foreigner who is lost, looking goofy, no idea what to do…” so it was SO incredible and cool, just so impressively respectful, that not once did I hear this word in the entire 60 minute exchange. Specifically talking about money too, it would have been so easy for some of the people not directly related in the matter to say something offhand such as “how is this Westerner worried about money, don’t they all have good salaries?” or anything like that. Nope, not once, and I was listening too because I was trying to figure out from the side talk really how much they had thought out, and how much they might really be trying to fleece me, adding a few digits someplace to see what they could get. They had been so nice to this point, but hey, money is money, and people are greedy. Doesn’t matter who you are, the temptation was there for sure, and I did not want to be a sucker.
Everything ended as well as it could have I guess, well really much better than it might have, and we agreed to half of the previous number. What amounts to two thousand US dollars is still a lot, still a bit more than two entire month’s worth of wages for me, and I really don’t know how long it will take me to pay them this money. I guess I was thinking of how to sell the few things I have in my life right now with some actual monetary value, but when I really think about it, besides my bicycles, there isn’t actually anything on that list :) I have been low on cash before, but my faith that everything will work out has always seen me through. So here ends (for now) the story of my first actual bad luck experience in Thailand. I mean, how lucky am I?? To live here, usually alone, traveling by bike, train, bus, and plane, 64 provinces visited out of the 77 Thailand currently has, and really I have made it through with little more than a few scratches. Wow. God is more than gracious, more than good, and this will be just another lesson in a life already full of cool and crazy lessons… He is there for me, I again thank my wonderful friend and girlfriend Li for being there (and always here) for me as well, and this has been a pretty intense week of life! Many up and down days, hours even, waiting for news, finding out that this is much better than I’d hoped, but that this other thing over here now needs to be taken care of… wow. But life goes on, and its great that it does :)
Aroma Kampung is a local restaurant serving amazing dishes of fish and fried vegetables[/caption]
Looking at the food makes me want to immediately rebook a ticket to Malaysia![/caption]
